Please consider the environment before printing this email
So, it's Monday morning and time for the ritual sifting through of my inbox
- empty the spam box of hundreds of pointless spam messages from Nigerian businessmen with dodgy spelling
- auto-deleting emails trying to sell me fake Rolex's
- declining the opportunity to various genitalia enhancing drugs
- replying to people that actually warrant a reply (its rare but it does happen)
- and of course reading/deleting the forwarded emails (from friends and family) of Internet jokes that have been doing the cyber-space-circuit for the last decade
Dont get me wrong - I enjoy a good joke as much as the next man.
However, the rather tasteless editing of a crashed airliner image, insertion of blurry images of people being sucked out of the rear of the plane and a headline claiming this is an image of the tragic loss of Air France Flight 447 off the coast of Brazil. It's just a recirculation of an old hoax comprising photos supposedly taken inside the cabin of a Gol Airlines plane just after it collided with a small passenger jet in 2006. The accident was real, but the images are not.
But the next time I see that darned email about the ship and the lighthouse I'll scream...
So just to put the record straight:
- NO - I dont want a free Ericssonlaptop
- NO - I dont care if guns are taxed
- NO - I dont believe a photo of Gods eyeball was spotted in outer space
- NO - I dont care what Nostradamus predicted
- NO - I cant spot the difference between those images
Now, saying all that, I think my number one peeve is not the fact that my friends/family forward this junk to me, nor is it the rudeness of individuals who not only forward emails that have already been forwarded a dozen times but dont even try to clean them up to make them readable: these are the people who cant even be bothered to edit out all the forwarded by... forwarded by... forwarded by... emails inside the spam they are propagating. Interestingly I occasionally reply to the sender and CC every single email address on the list just to make a point about Internet privacy ;) anyway... I digress.
My number one peeve is the annoyingly pompous addition of a 'please look after the environment' tag line on any email.
Here's my reply to one such email this morning.
Remove that particularly annoyingly disk wasting email signature that contains the Internets most grievous and politically correct, pseudo-green 'Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this email?' signature which is just before the biggest email signature in the history of the world... spanning the globe filling up disk space, taking up gigabytes of Internet traffic which of course leads to unnecessary generation of heat of those poor server power supplies all assisting Global Warming, wasted disk storage leading to more industrial activity in turn causing the related output of industrial Waste and Pollution that comes with all factories spewing out computer parts in sweat shops in the far east. Once the new computer components have been made and then shipped to their Server locations, with all that related air pollution, things are just getting worse. This isnt even taking into account the time wasted looking at junk mail like this means that thousands of unsuspecting people like me will drink more office coffee while scanning their morning junk mail which in turn leads to elevated blood pressure of IT professionals and the further global dominance of international Coffee Houses to the detriment of small poor independent coffee farmers who will go out of business, their children will starve and their fields will be left fallow. Drugs Barons will commandeer those fields and grow opium cause misery and despair and leading to deaths of thousands and resurgence of the drugs underworld in the major cities of the globe.
Please consider the environment - before adding a really annoyingly BS legal statement to emails and utterly pretentious i-am-more-green-than-you email footer
In an equally self righteous and very pompous moment, my own reply made me smile.
So I thought I would save it for posterity's sake.. plus I can just reply to someone with this URL for future similar email annoyances