Whats better - Hard work, Knowledge or Attitude?

  • Posted on: 10 October 2012
  • By: NickLitten

Here is a little something a friend sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. Nerdish and silly but I suppose it appeals to the dark mathematical side of my soul. But the message is very true.

It goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

IBM Global Network

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

Kenya, Africa - M’wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire’s Bantu tribe, used an IBM System i hard disk drive yesterday to crush a nut.

Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful disk drive.

“I could not crush the nut by myself,” said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. “With IBM’s help, I was able to break it.” Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking disk drive yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via computer with Japanese school children, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the hard drive, which he believed would serve well as a “smashing” utensil.

IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to provide Ndeti with practical solutions to his everyday problems. “Our System i offers people all over the world solutions that fit their specific needs,” said Herbert Ross, IBM’s director of marketing. “Whether you’re a nun cloistered in an Italian abbey or an Aborigine in Australia’s Great Sandy Desert, IBM has the ideas to get you where you want to go today.”

The New IBM Network Boy

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten
its a game boyyyyy

Rochester MN - With the recent news of IBM’s intent to acquire the Nintendo Corporation it was further announced today another joint development effort between IBM and Nintendo.

IBM is announcing the Network Boy, a small handheld device that communicates with your IBM i, System i  or AS/400 network via RF and allows the user to navigate the network using four simple buttons.

It has a small display screen that sports a mini-GUI and runs the Mario/OS operating system.

The advantages are simplicity, low cost, and zero training for the younger generation of users.

New IBMi iSeries AS00 Integer Found!

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

ARMONK, NY – IBM research labs today announced a breakthrough in the discovery of a new integer. The as-yet unnamed number has been positively located between seven and eight. Seven and eight had been thought to be consecutive for many years.

Early responses from IBM scientists indicate that there is going to be a lot of trouble caused by this discovery, and many fields are going to feel the impact. Some of the implications immediately noted include:

A whole lot of numbers we thought were odd are, in fact, even.
All those big primes on which we based all our encryption schemes are not prime at all.
What do we call an octet now?
It appears that there is no corresponding negative integer, although there are still many groups who continue to look for new integers.

Historical Note: This is the first time in more than at least 175 years (probably a lot more) that a new integer has been found. There is no indication that the Romans knew of this number, they appear to have believed, curiously enough, that VIII followed VII!

IBM has not yet named this new integer pending application for international patent rights to this number. The implications of the granting of patent rights have created quite a stir among attorneys.

Microsoft Tech Support Methods Revealed

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

One of Microsoft’s finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target.

The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: “It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!”

Microsoft AS400 Monopoly

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

Today, Microsoft founder Bill Gates is entering retirement, signaling the end of an era for the corporation that brought us the Windows operating system. Through the years, Gates has been a veritable icon for the technology industry as his company helped usher the personal computer into a new, graphical-interfaced world.

It was in 1975 that Gates launched the company that would become the biggest name in computer software. His exit today has many wondering what the 52-year-old billionaire will do with his time.

The computer impresario, who revolutionized how the world uses PCs, says he’s looking forward to put his time into his real love, board games. He has wasted no time in his transition from Microsoft CEO to board game hawker with the introduction of Microsoft Monopoly. Watch the following infomercial as Mr. Gates introduced his new, innovative game:

Computer Risk Bulletin #478

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

Warning Notice M.U.D-1

On the 22nd of June, 2012 the computing world was rocked by the horror of a new computer-originated illness and the life it claimed. Rick Chianese, a 46 year old Operator/Administrator at a major Nevada Company was the first victim. At approximately 9:03 am, Chianese logged into his personal account and sent some email to a friend at a remote site. Logging out, he then proceeded to log into the operator account to clean up some problematic printing queues. Following this, he logged out and logged into a test account to check that his print queues were accepting data from normal users. Finding that all was well, he logged out then logged into the root account to create a new username to receive helpdesk mail, not realizing the mortal danger he was in. Wanting to test this new username, he logged out from root and proceeded to login to his new account. Barely three letters into his twelve letter alphanumeric password, he slumped forward across his keyboard, dead.

Investigators, on arriving at the scene could find no reason for his death and elected to wait for further information from the outcome of the Autopsy.

Vista Virus - Novell Admits Aiding Microsoft

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

In a press conference early this morning, the former CEO of Novell, Robert Frankenberg revealed that Novell and Microsoft had been working together for years to increase Microsoft’s dominance of the computer industry. In a secret partnership with Microsoft, Novell has been strategically acquiring Microsoft’s major competitors in the software industry and ruining them.

The relationship goes back a number of years, according to Frankenberg. “[Digital Research's] DR-DOS 5.0 was ten times the operating system that MS-DOS 4.01 was. Microsoft couldn’t even steal technology fast enough to compete. That was when they first contacted Novell.” Under direction from Microsoft, Novell then purchased Digital Research, a small California company best known for its CP/M operating system.

Frankenberg continued, “Novell let the developers release DR-DOS 6.0, which unfortunately was a success, but then Novell jumped in with both feet. By the time we were done with it, Novell DOS 7 wouldn’t even interoperate well with NetWare!” All development on Digital Research’s product was subsequently halted in September 1994.