New IBMi iSeries AS00 Integer Found!

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

ARMONK, NY – IBM research labs today announced a breakthrough in the discovery of a new integer. The as-yet unnamed number has been positively located between seven and eight. Seven and eight had been thought to be consecutive for many years.

Early responses from IBM scientists indicate that there is going to be a lot of trouble caused by this discovery, and many fields are going to feel the impact. Some of the implications immediately noted include:

A whole lot of numbers we thought were odd are, in fact, even.
All those big primes on which we based all our encryption schemes are not prime at all.
What do we call an octet now?
It appears that there is no corresponding negative integer, although there are still many groups who continue to look for new integers.

Historical Note: This is the first time in more than at least 175 years (probably a lot more) that a new integer has been found. There is no indication that the Romans knew of this number, they appear to have believed, curiously enough, that VIII followed VII!

IBM has not yet named this new integer pending application for international patent rights to this number. The implications of the granting of patent rights have created quite a stir among attorneys.

Microsoft Tech Support Methods Revealed

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

One of Microsoft’s finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target.

The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: “It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!”

Microsoft AS400 Monopoly

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

Today, Microsoft founder Bill Gates is entering retirement, signaling the end of an era for the corporation that brought us the Windows operating system. Through the years, Gates has been a veritable icon for the technology industry as his company helped usher the personal computer into a new, graphical-interfaced world.

It was in 1975 that Gates launched the company that would become the biggest name in computer software. His exit today has many wondering what the 52-year-old billionaire will do with his time.

The computer impresario, who revolutionized how the world uses PCs, says he’s looking forward to put his time into his real love, board games. He has wasted no time in his transition from Microsoft CEO to board game hawker with the introduction of Microsoft Monopoly. Watch the following infomercial as Mr. Gates introduced his new, innovative game:

New Technology Might Replace The Computer

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten
nothing to do with BOOKS what so ever... but it made me chuckle

A new aid to rapid, almost magical, learning has made its appearance. Indications are such that, if it catches on, all the electronic gadgets will be so much junk. The new device is known as Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge. The developers usually call it by its initials, BOOK(tm).

Many advantages are claimed over the old-style learning and teaching aids which most people are using today. It has no wires or electric circuits to break down. No connection is needed to an electrical power point. It is made entirely without mechanical parts that could go bad or need replacement.

Anyone can use BOOK(tm), even children, and it fits comfortably into the hands. It can be conveniently used in any standing or sitting positing. For example, it can be used while sitting in an armchair by the fire.

How does this revolutionary, unbelievably easy invention work? Basically BOOK(tm) consists only of a large number of paper sheets. These may run to hundreds where BOOK(tm) covers a lengthy program of information. Each sheet bears a number in sequence, so that the sheets cannot be used in the wrong order. To make it even easier for the user to keep the sheets in the proper order they are held firmly in place by a special locking device called a “binding”.

Computer Risk Bulletin #478

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

Warning Notice M.U.D-1

On the 22nd of June, 2012 the computing world was rocked by the horror of a new computer-originated illness and the life it claimed. Rick Chianese, a 46 year old Operator/Administrator at a major Nevada Company was the first victim. At approximately 9:03 am, Chianese logged into his personal account and sent some email to a friend at a remote site. Logging out, he then proceeded to log into the operator account to clean up some problematic printing queues. Following this, he logged out and logged into a test account to check that his print queues were accepting data from normal users. Finding that all was well, he logged out then logged into the root account to create a new username to receive helpdesk mail, not realizing the mortal danger he was in. Wanting to test this new username, he logged out from root and proceeded to login to his new account. Barely three letters into his twelve letter alphanumeric password, he slumped forward across his keyboard, dead.

Investigators, on arriving at the scene could find no reason for his death and elected to wait for further information from the outcome of the Autopsy.

Vista Virus - Novell Admits Aiding Microsoft

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

In a press conference early this morning, the former CEO of Novell, Robert Frankenberg revealed that Novell and Microsoft had been working together for years to increase Microsoft’s dominance of the computer industry. In a secret partnership with Microsoft, Novell has been strategically acquiring Microsoft’s major competitors in the software industry and ruining them.

The relationship goes back a number of years, according to Frankenberg. “[Digital Research's] DR-DOS 5.0 was ten times the operating system that MS-DOS 4.01 was. Microsoft couldn’t even steal technology fast enough to compete. That was when they first contacted Novell.” Under direction from Microsoft, Novell then purchased Digital Research, a small California company best known for its CP/M operating system.

Frankenberg continued, “Novell let the developers release DR-DOS 6.0, which unfortunately was a success, but then Novell jumped in with both feet. By the time we were done with it, Novell DOS 7 wouldn’t even interoperate well with NetWare!” All development on Digital Research’s product was subsequently halted in September 1994.

Sun Microsystems Sues Island of Java

  • Posted on: 18 September 2012
  • By: NickLitten

Mountain View, CA — Sun Microsystems today filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against the island of Java* over the use of Sun’s Java* trademark.

Responding to criticism that the island has been called Java* for centuries, Sun lawyer Frank Cheatham said “Yeah, and in all that time they never filed for a trademark. They deserve to lose the name.”

Rather than pay the licensing fee, the island decided to change its name. They originally voted to change it to Visu Albasic, but an angry telegram from Redmond, Washington convinced them otherwise. The country finally settled on a symbol for a name — a neatly-colored coffee cup which still evokes the idea of java. Since most newspapers and magazines will not be able to print the name of the island, it will hereafter be referred to in print as “The Island Formerly Known As Java*”.

The Island Formerly Known As Java* bills itself as a cross-landmass island, but so far has only been implemented in production on the Malay Archipelago. Africa is been rumored to have implemented it on Madagascar, but it is still in alpha testing.

Lawyers from Sun would also like to locate the owners of the huge fiery ball at the center of the solar system. They have some legal papers for them…