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quotes and he said she said gubbins 

 February 5, 2012

By  NickLitten

Note: The following are humorous (and sometimes serious) quotes gathered from the internet. Since it’s all a big rip-off, I am assuming no copyright whatsoever. I don’t even guarantee that they are accurate. Now that you’ve been warned, enjoy.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. — Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. — Dave Barry

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. — Emo Philips

There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence. — Jeremy S. Anderson

640K ought to be enough for anybody. — Bill Gates, 1981

Applying modern technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound the correct screw. — Author Unknown

As many of you know, I was very instrumental in the founding of the internet. — Vice President Al Gore to Katie Couric, March 1999

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. — Fred Dales, Microsoft, Redmond, Washington

Automation is a technological process that does all the work while you just sit there. When you were younger, this was called “Mother”. — Author Unknown

Backups? We don’t need to backup our hard drives. The Government has a copy of them. — Author Unknown

Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. — Dave Barry

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. — Pablo Picasso

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don’t add up. — James Magary

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. — Popular Mechanics, 1949

Computers make it easy to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do, don’t need to be done. — Andy Rooney

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. — Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. — Albert Einstein

Everything that can be invented has been invented. — Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1891

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks. — Author Unknown

I don’t understand all I know about this thing. — Joe May

I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year. — The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

Imagine what life would be like if your refrigerator were as reliable as your computer and its software. — Author Unknown

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning. — Rich Cook

So we went to Atari and said, “Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.” And they said, “No.” So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, “Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.” — Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer

The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents. — Anonymous

There are 3 types of people in the world; those who understand Binary and those who don’t. — Author Unknown

The reason computer chips are so small is computers don’t eat much. — Lorenzo

There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. — Ken Olson, President & Founder, Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

When the computer asks you, “Are you sure?”, ponder for a moment. — Secretary

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? — Author Unknown

Working in an office with an array of electronic devices is like trying to get something done at home with half a dozen small children around. The calls for attention are constant. — Marilyn vos Savant

You can go and find a mailbox right now, open the door to a tin box – tin door, no lock – with unencrypted information in English, sealed in a paper-thin envelope with spit, yet people are worried about online privacy. — Scott McNeely, CEO, Sun Microsystems

“Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.”

“Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything’s going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You’ll be forced to patch the code (admit you’re wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end.”

“Real men don’t use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.” – Linus Torvalds

“If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.”

“It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.”

“I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: ‘Outlook not so good’. I said: ‘Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway’.”

“The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.”

“The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot.”

“Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.”

“The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.”

NickLitten


IBM i Software Developer, Digital Dad, AS400 Anarchist, RPG Modernizer, Shameless Trekkie, Belligerent Nerd, Englishman Abroad and Passionate Eater of Cheese and Biscuits. Nick Litten Dot Com is a mixture of blog posts that can be sometimes serious, frequently playful and probably down-right pointless all in the space of a day. Enjoy your stay, feel free to comment and remember: If at first you don't succeed then skydiving probably isn't a hobby you should look into.

Nick Litten

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