An Englishman in America

IBM i

Feb 19

To quote Sting ” I’m an alien, I’m a legal alien I’m an Englishman in New York” But, over the last ten years I’ve enjoyed being an Englishman in Roanoke VA, Augusta GA, Charleston SC, San Clemente CA and now Las Vegas NV. Diverse locations with diverse cross sections of the People that make up New World Colonies 😉

My American friends, frequently chuckle at my English idiosyncrasies and I theirs. We are definitely two nations separated by a common language:

The differences in our cultures leads to much mirth, sideways looks, solid confusion, raised eye brows and gentle piss taking.

No, a Fag isn’t rude. It’s a cigarette. “Bumming a Fag” means to borrow one… with the intention of smoking rather than returning.

Generally, Americans are louder than us Brits. It’s just true. Loudly speaking to an entire room, or (worse) speaking over the top of somebody else while they are speaking will see most Anglo’s widen their eyes and retreat into the deepest parts of their psyche.

In public, the dreaded “telling a stranger your family secrets” is still a daily struggle on my cringe detector. Don’t ask people probing questions. Our family details are sometimes treated like State Secrets. Coax the background information out of Brits by enticing them out slowly, with many pints of beer.

Money is just this stuff we spend. One should never brag about it. Never brag about how much you have, how much you earn or how must you like to spend on things. Ugh.

Everything in America isnt bigger, nor is it better. Even if it is. We cant ever acknowledge it, because it’s seen as too Gauche.

Cars have Boots (Trunks), Bonnets (hoods) and screens (shields)

Brits come in all shapes, colours and ethnic backgrounds. I’ve certainly never thought of people in terms of being afro-english, or indo-english – people are just English and they come in various colours. Britain is a multi-cultural melting pot — an Indian Curry is our fave national dish 🙂 Try different foods from different cultures, its an inbuilt switch in English people.

While I’m talking about Brits and English. Britain is the main island making up the United Kingdom. The UK or Britain as its most often called is basically made up for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. (note: that’s not particularly correct but lets not get into the UK vs Isles vs all the wild different country names) So you can all be British, but cultural differences between countries are huge.

Football is not called Soccer. It doesn’t involve motorcycle helmets, players don’t wear body Armour and football doesn’t involve fat men throwing a ball. Just to confuse you further, Rugby is also frequently called Football.

Americans, please don’t wear your pyjamas shopping. Ever.

Having to wait until your 21 to buy a beer is frankly ridiculous. The alcohol problems and binge drinking in colleges still surprises me. My eldest son is 19, studying at an American University (aka: a college student) and even though he can get married, have children, own a gun, join the Airforce/Navy/Army and kill people all over the world… he still cant go into an American Bar and drink a Bud Light. #ridiculous

Religion. Like most of the rest of the world, Brits have predominantly eschewed the trappings of most medieval religions. Of course, people will always enjoy praying to various invisible beings, most of us Brits enjoy talking about it, but we don’t like having it rammed down our throats.

Love Dogs. Kicking a child is less offensive than kicking a puppy 😉

I’m just waffling now, so it’s time to go and make a nice cup of tea. Hot obviously. Tea is never iced. Ever. Iced Tea is for Sociopaths:

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About the Author

IBM i Software Developer, Digital Dad, AS400 Anarchist, RPG Modernizer, Alpha Nerd and Passionate Eater of Cheese and Biscuits. Nick Litten Dot Com is a mixture of blog posts that can be sometimes serious, frequently playful and probably down-right pointless all in the space of a day. Enjoy your stay, feel free to comment and in the words of the most interesting man in the world: Stay thirsty my friend.